The routine is the same each year, a week or so before, I buy the birthday card, take my time to pick the right one, from the very first one, that said Happy First birthday , all through the number years, I called, Happy 13th now your a teen,, Happy 18th,, Happy 21st, Friday's Happy Birthday My Beautiful Daughter, then near the end of the week it will get posted. the address the same as always,, My Angel in Heaven . As I get closer to the end of my day's , I really hope there is somewhere we go, that when I make my journey she is waiting there for the first time and I see her running towards me shouting Hello Dad and throws her arms around me.

Now why do I do Photography, well when at those times of the year that are hard, when you are focused on the scene, for those seconds or how long it is, there is no other thoughts in your head,, It is why I have never really done any paid work for my dread is, that I will fall out of love for the camera and what will I have then, I will have lost my coping mechanism. It is even more important to me, for I lead a pretty lonely life, I have no one to talk too and I am not looking for someone, to have a moan with , I am not like that , But I accept that fact that, I have to deal on my own. My photography get's me through, bad day, five minutes with the macro lens in the garden during summer, can not get out too take pictures, thinking of where to go, when I can or just looking through the back catalogues and finding old gems and memories of the days I took them.

Now my blogs are the same, for sometimes, I just have to write it out, like my camera, they give me a voice.


Where I stood yesterday morning and the scene, I was shooting, the sun rose behind me, never quite got what, I was after, but for me, it really is not about that.


All these are just grab shots with my phone, the record of that morning's journey standing at the side of a road.


The sun was rising in the distance .

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Looking the other way, the moon high in the sky and the road leads out my village.


Hand held as high as I could, to see, what was over the hedge, you just never know, what hides behind at times..

Another day of a lot of wetness. I kind of had a rest day, I seem to have one, them, every weekend now, the body has to recover and so, i rest. Rain gives me the excuse, I need.

Crazy how it is July already, time really does fly, soon it will be that day again, something, that I just never ever will be able to not think about, hard all the time, but as i get older, it is getting harder.

I feel really lonely at this time. Hidden sorrow.

At some point this year, going to buy a proper printer and print my pictures to hang in my room. I have a few, that will never be online anywhere, it is a skill that fascinates me, one that takes time to get right, choosing the right paper for the picture and getting it right.
Maybe, my Christmas gift to myself.

I will be on holiday again in 6 weeks, I might have a day of before, I am going to go to Glasgow, I want to see the Banksy Exhibition, that, they have on, when Julie was alive , she would have already dragged me there, I would have put on the act of not wanting to go, but secretly I loved it. We went a lot of things, like that, started when Eve had a show of her work, now I would never has missed that anyway, but I was so proud of her and well, I did feature in one or two pictures. But we did go to see, painting, exhibitions of all sorts to be honest, Julie knew it was all an act, that I really did enjoy these days or nights, I bought a few things, I had a good eye she said. I bought something recently, it sits at my desktop. little statue, each night, I lift it, run it around in my hands, feel the contours on the metal and boy do I smile, it has meaning.


I love my dragons, This Golden Ringed Dragonfly is spectacular, I got my pictures, lying on the ground, but then, just stopped clicking, gazing at it, through the lens, losing all track of time, halcyon days.

Friday's have been my main day for taking pictures, this morning had fancied a little floral photography, but had just started looking and first thing is, not as good, as last week, when I passed, missed them by a week. just the way it goes and then the rain gods decided to join the party.

I got a few pictures, put the camera away and went the short walk into town, visit the Bakers, then went and bought a pair of shorts, I have been shrinking, bought a pair of 30" and they fit well, not bad, for someone, who was in a 44" waist at one point,

Bit like having to buy a small in a shirt as well, after buying a medium shirt, which was borderline happy with, so got it in a small.

It is all part of the new me, I guess, the biggest mistake, was getting so big in the first place, paying for it now, but at the time, did I think about it not once, big mistake, too late to learn, but my one lucky thing is, I can lose weight very easy, I know, I will lose a little bit more.

I spent the rest of the day, looking at new photography gear and over the next while bits will be added.

One other little thing, Falke socks, made in Germany, highly recommend them.


Was trying background cards out on this one, a blue sky one, does it work.


New Lupin in the garden, first flowering spike, I like it.


One of the wildflowers from this morning, plenty of raindrops on this.


Last wildflower for now, might be a type of Scabious, got that look, but it was a bright spot on such a dull morning.

I quite liked my Friday blogging last week, so tried it again this week,

I have been awake for a while, nothing unusual there, first thing, I did, was lift my writing pad and do a little writing, early morning thoughts. My writing entries are all over the place. First today, was I is always better to make someone else, that first cup of tea in the morning, than just for yourself. Followed that one, with Large Skippers, now can be said to have a little colony. Then it was about the decline of the Orchids in the same place. Can see, where I get my all over the place blogging style.

I also wrote about the 10 things, I wished I could do more, than not being able to get a hard on, probably wrote about not being able to before and for me, it is easy to talk about for it really does mean that little to me, Yes, I had a high sex drive, was always more into the foreplay and oral side of things, I am good at that, I even preferred using a toy on a woman, was something about watching how her facial expressions changed and changing what I done accordingly. Giving pleasure and satisfaction So for medical reasons, not being able to get it up, is not big deal.

Waking pain free, now that was on the list, but all the crazy things, I done, have taken it's toll, climbing a tree was, another, but I had to go back and put a line through it, I managed a large pine, where it was more, just stepping than having to use my left arm, but I managed, once at top, the view was, still as good, as I remember it lol, but then thought how bad it would be, if I had to have phoned to be rescued from a tree at my age.

Perfect vision was number one, thing missed . So for me, having a limp dick is no big deal.

Now, I have gotten to the end, forgot about what I was going to write about, scattergun,, but in this time of writing, I have done my online weekly shop, spent more money on socks, yes, I have a problem there and had a second breakfast, my tea count is now four cups for the day.

Supposed to rain a bit today and I am kind of wanting it too, get some inside things done, my mind is set for weather is nice, get outside, weather is wet work inside..

But more than anything, I miss people, 4 to be precise, 3 can never sadly be seen 1 I can always hold the dream, that one day she will say I am coming to visit.. Dreams and hope, pleasures and desires, we all have them..

Last Friday, I climbed a hill, it was mainly to test myself, you see, a year previous, I was in hospital with my Stroke, not knowing, how things will turn out, but, once I could process things, time to start fighting, my first focus was to get back home, I have my Mum to look after, she is priority one in life, she is a blog in herself.

Step two was progressing, now, that did take time and I do have things, that are never going to be back the way they were, but I never hurried,, there was no time limits, on getting back, to living life.

I could not use my heavy lenses, but got there, still not as many in focus, as i got once, I then got back to fully loaded camera bag.

I have been able to cycle apart from the 4 weeks, I had too take off, as I might be a danger, my eyes were damaged as well, but all good again, I got back to work, only done 3 days, took it easy, then when they cut us too 4 days, went back too 4, but cut the hours back.

There was down days, there was frustrating days, but it was all about taking time, till last Friday, an anniversary of sorts, I was going to climb that hill, too a place where, things I dreamed about llive,

It is steep, I use my walking poles, but one foot forward, stop too look back admire the views , have a drink and did i mention it was hot, upto 27C that day, but I got there , mother nature decides to reward me, Butterflies galore and damsel and dragonflies too, I was in the happiest of places,

Now test was not over, how was I , the day after, I was good, no more pain, than I normally have, so just to double check, I went again yesterday.

I live life, I love life, wI never quit, I learn to adapt sometimes and sometimes, well, it just takes time..

Posted on in status yesterday, I took this one, with the big camera, another island, looking like it is floating , this one is Ailsa Craig, home of the granite, they make curling stones from.

I had to post a butterfly, this Dark Green Fritillary basking in the sun, very flighty yesterday..

Images need a click on them to see them, full size.

Ps many thanks to everyone, that has been there, means a lot.

The first full week back at work was, the usual thing, playing catch up, with the nice weather we have been having my factory is very warm, when you have machines and ovens running in my main building it get close to being unworkable in at times. We had the usual coming and goings, another long term workers, finished this week, both over 15yrs and had enough, easy to understand.

Now that is out the way.. the good stuff.

I never thought, I would enjoy the sun, as much as I do now, the heat on the skin is so very nice, ok, like I have said before, we never get it as warm as most other places, but it is what you are use too at the end of the day.

Cycling home is such a joy, looking around me, as I go and seeing the changes, but you still witness, things, that have passed you by before. But mornings, are the best, then I get to see, the wildlife.
From next weekend, I really need to try an early morning jaunt, to sit and watch the day dawning, one a weekend might not kill me, Friday's are going to be, the day for the coast, I worked out, I can take the light option, with the camera stuff and cycle to the coast, just need to do it now..

I felt the cold sea water on my feet on Friday, walked the beach and sat and had my breakfast there, different but it cleanses the soul and the feeling of happiness is there.

Friday night, I got to lie in the grass and take pictures of the damsels, sometimes, I just zoom in and watch them, forgetting about the pictures, I smile all the time, wish everyone, had that thing, that makes them smile like that.

I was walking back and stopped in my tracks, 5 Swifts, just stood there, till I remembered I was in the middle of the road, I get lost in these moments, most people would not give it a second thought, but for me, it is all about spirit lifters, my music is the sounds of nature.

Today, well just see, what the day brings..


Thursday night's walk back home and the long shadows of summer.

Nice to just sit in the garden and take a few pictures of some bees, nice contrasting colour with the flower, such an easy way for me, to smile Weather has been lovely, nice to feel a bit of sun on the skin.

Back to work tomorrow, it has never been something that has bothered me, to be honest. I love my holidays, next year, I am going to do them a little bit different, I had the same routine of them for too long now, time to change.

Back, to the daily 4am rise , but only working 4 days a week, do have there benefits, it is a nice balance for me.

I have no more holidays booked till end of August, use to be middle, but first part of change.

I think in life we have to change it up a little, I know it is something I am trying to do more and more, trying new things, ok , mines really just involve a camera and my garden, interesting new projects.

I saw Jill the collie yesterday first time in ages. K her owner started working for herself and has just been so busy, she got bored being retired, I thought it would be like that for her, but she is in a good place, as she said,, she must be, for I have not had to cry on your shoulder for a while, can be years in between us talking but , our friendship has always been like that.

Scrabble Lady she is the opposite, there is no way she will ever work again, from someone, that never took holidays, without being xxxxxxxxxx too, to a lady of leisure, I gave her a hand to put a little pond in, her garden yesterday, she also, has a new hammock, she noticed my smile, when I saw this and asked me about it, told her the story of a hammock and the true feeling of relaxation, that I had.

She is thinking of getting a Dog, even got the breed chosen.

Scrabble returns this week, the night has not been fixed, Old school Scrabble on a board, the tiles, to place, simple pleasure.


The hint of the beauty that is too come.

Last one, I had a really nice day yesterday, it was a nice heat, usually my second week of my holiday, would have been the week coming, but having had the hospital, finished a week earlier than normal. what have learned the last week , quite a lot actually, learned about myself, learned that eventually, your thoughts on someone are correct, can just take time for them too slip sometimes. learned that I do have to take a break from the camera after taking pictures everyday, I just have to refresh.

I learned that all rear deraillieurs are not the same, when fitting a new one too my bike, also, will be getting a new one, In the next month or so, it will not be electric either, I still can climb the steep gradients, that I like so much, plus it is not about how quick for me.

I have rested this holiday more than ever, I have in my life, will I repeat this, I am not sure, one day I know it, will be xxxxxxxxxx on me to take things, a whole lot easier, but moderation in doing what I do, when I do it, will be more my way.

I think for the first time in my life, I can actually say, I am more than happy with who I am and happy with my lot. I have had quite a few lives in this life time, but this one is the best one, it is like, I have went full circle, learned in each one and now, I really like what I have.

So only little question, to ponder, will G win the Giro.

You ever get one off, those days, yesterday was mine, if it could go wrong it did,, should have just stayed in bed and hid from it all.


9yrs ago, another local beach, around sunset, was a nice day, sunny for most of it, last minute decide to hit the coast.